I knew exactly what Frey was doing. I had begun talking about what was done to me so that the demon could enter. She was changing the subject to the ‘Bent Elvakai’ or ‘Dark Elvakai’. She wanted to talk with me alone, once the men, the Manakai, Ephurt, Wine and Ulf, and the Dwarakai, Balandur and Balindur, had left. Perhaps she even wanted Hadrin and Hemidel to leave.
I had begun talking about the torment, about the rape, that had been done to me.
I don’t know whether Freya wanted to spare my feelings or theirs. I did not wish to spare anyone or anything.
I will not spare you either.
I began speaking of the days of torment when men forced themselves on me and the nights when a demon showed me pictures in my mind of what I might do to them if I let it in. Perhaps the days were night and the nights days. In the Adzar dungeons I did not see the sun and could not count the days.
The demon at least did not force its way in. It urged and asked and promised and that made it, him, more man to me than my tormentors.
I saw Wine crying as I spoke. Catching my eye he asked permission to leave. I refused saying that if he wanted to relieve himself he might do so and I would wait for his return. He sat and said no more. Nor did anyone else say anything after that.
I spoke of how the hatred and anger that the demon fed me had kept me alive. Then, of the day, or night, of torment when the demon screamed at me to let him in and I at last screamed back ‘yes’. Power flowed into me and everything the demon promised I would do to my tormentors I did. Till I was covered in blood and felt it flow wet beneath my bare feet. Finally one was left, terrified in a corner, crying “sorry, sorry”. I relished his fear and wanted to take my time killing him.
Then I heard her voice. “Rahne, enough.”
I stopped. Then moved again towards the cowering man.
“Enough. Rahne.”
It was Rabia. Rabia who had been stoned to death by the same Ethranian villagers who later sold me to the Adzar Empire.
It was Rabia saying the same words that she would when we were the two fierce girls who beat back the bullies and I was still raining blows on a boy who could no longer fight.
I didn’t know why she might want to spare this man. But it was Rabia and she was here. I obeyed, turning my anger against the cell door. It burst open as did the other doors and also the sorcerous wards that held the demon in their control.
Three of us escaped the dungeon that night. A demon, the ghost of the friend, sister, lover, who reminded a hate possessed girl of love, and the girl, Rahne, who would become Raksha Redmist. The legend and killer you see before you.
Tears were in my eyes but I bowed and smiled.
No one else smiled. Only Hadrin, who had heard some of this before, held my eyes.
— — –
After a silence I continued. The rest was easier. Not easy, but easier. It took years to become Raksha Redmist. Years being hunted by the Empire and hunting their soldiers in turn. Years fighting against men who would abuse and enslave women. Years learning that nothing I did could really change anything. Years when slavers and Empire soldiers would cry ‘raksha’, meaning ‘demon’ when I fell upon them. It became my second given name.
And Redmist? Well that’s what I see when I let the demon out. And it rhymes rather well with Raksha doesn’t it?
I smiled. By the time I arrived in Stormhaven Raksha Redmist was at least a minor legend with a major bounty on my head from the Empire.
I stopped talking for a long while. There were no questions. Then Hemidel spoke.
“Well. Thank you Lady Raksha. With your permission I would like to offer the men some Elcantar beer.”
He bowed with a smile and sincerity.
I smiled and bowed back.
“Beer. Now you’re talking,” said Balandur.
Bowing to me the men left. The food and plates had been cleared by Elva servers while I spoke.
Frey and I were alone in the large dining hall.
— — –
The shadows seemed to close around us and make the room smaller. We spoke of Stormhaven and of how I met Guian Starshadow, the father I never thought I needed, and Farjika who reminded me of Rabia, and all the others who became my family until I left for the Narshadow War with Hadrin. My captain and friend.
Then Freya asked.
“Why is the demon still with you? Guian or Farjika, or any number of Paldir or Palumae could have cast it out.”
I answered the question she didn’t ask.
“It isn’t because of the power.”
I didn’t lie. I don’t need this. I told her that Killum, my name for the demon, had kept me alive in the Adzar cells and that I don’t betray friends or allies.
“Will you let me into your mind?” Frey asked.
I knew what she meant. Guian had been in my mind. I closed my eyes and felt her presence sinking into me.
Then we were there, in the dungeon cell where I had first met Killum.
I saw Killum raging at Frey in a language I didn’t know. She spoke back, calmly, in the same language.
I reminded them that I was here, that it was my mind and that it might be considered rude to speak to each other in a language I didn’t understand.
Killum’s a brother I said and this was his room. I saw a bare cell. Perhaps Frey saw something else. This place is like that. I understood that she was examining me. I had no problem showing her the dungeon but I would never know exactly what she saw.
I showed her the other cells in the dungeon haunted by the shades of men I had killed and who now sought sanctuary or forgiveness for the evil they had done. I told Frey that it was not my role to forgive but I would not refuse sanctuary as I too had sinned.
Killum trailed behind us, warning the shades not to bother me. Outside the dungeon is a walled garden that never existed in the Adzar prison. I did not take Frey there. Neither Killum nor the shades go there. Guian built it with me when he built this dungeon to order the chaos in my mind.
Then I brought my attention back to the dining hall. Frey sitting before me. She smiled. I asked her what she and the demon had said to each other.
“I asked the demon who it served.” She replied.
“And?” I asked.
“Raksha,” she said. “The demon said it served Raksha Redmist.”